If This Was a Movie
by Alexxis T. Swan
Summary: There are different types of tragedy. Romantic, heartbreaking, shocking, sudden, etc. They're all better than what Natsume went through; a never-after.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gauken Alice. I don't even own a movie-maker program.

**Author's Note:** I must say this prompt came to me in the spur of the moment while I was in love with Maddi Jane's cover of If This Was a Movie (I loved it so much I never even listened to the original song!) but I haven't posted it until now 'cause I'd forgot all about it. That is until I stumbled upon it last night. Btw I totally recommend the song.

**Dedication**: It's been a while since I dedicated anything (I think) but this one goes out to **Carolle Royale**. My partner in crime and fanfiction. And special thanks to her for pointing out some of my errors! She's probably the closest thing to a Beta I will ever have!

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><p><strong>If This Was A Movie<strong>

**~.~**

Natsume leaned on the balcony railing as he watched the sky paint itself with colors one would expect at twilight. He sighed. She would've loved this, she always did like observing abstract art. He thought the sky was the epitome of beautiful abstract.

He hadn't turned into a robot who performed his functions and thought of nothing. Hell he wished he had! At least these thoughts wouldn't be plaguing him. He couldn't stop thinking about her, about everything they'd been through. A thousand memories played in his head but he didn't try to stop them. Maybe because he wanted to see her again even if it was just in his mind's eye. It felt so nice- the thought of hearing her laugh again, of touching her hair, of being with her.

But she was gone. Had been for six months.

It didn't seem to register. Every time he thought he heard footsteps on the stairs, he'd reach out to where she ought to be standing, grinning down at him like an idiot.

It was what he got for spending so much time dwelling on the past. Perhaps thinking about those blissful moments wasn't a sound idea. It was a bittersweet reminder that she wasn't with him anymore but he did it in spite of that.

He wanted her to come back. And if he was being honest, he wanted her to come back for him.

He got it; he understood why she had to leave. He just wished he could have gone with her.

Yes, her safety and happiness had been his priority but he wanted _her_ too damn it!

It hadn't bothered him much before- how much time he had left to live -but now… how could he stand knowing that he wouldn't make it long enough to see her again?

_What were you expecting genius? A happy ending? A future with her? You should have known better._

When Mikan had left with Yuka that day it had felt like an anti-climax. He kept waiting for something to happen to break the illusion. It wasn't until the ESP himself had shown up on the scene furious at his lost prize that it got through to Natsume. Mikan was gone, out into the real world with her mother, and she was never coming back.

He hadn't been expecting to lose her like that. He imagined protecting her from any hell or dying in the attempt but having to give her up, for a reason as simple as not being able to live long enough to see her again, hadn't crossed his mind. After all the battles fought and victories salvaged, time was now destined to be his next opponent. Its triumph was merely a matter of months away.

Now he was withering away inside the Academy, upset that he couldn't even see her one last time. Her mother was with her, and Narumi and Shiki were there too. The two of them were undeniably bound to Yuka, as one could have deduced when they had left.

Their departure had marked the beginning of a dark time, for his friends that is. Natsume had lived most of his life in the darkness. It wasn't a pretty sight but then again the subject of the ESP's wrath never was.

Natsume left out a dry chuckle; talk about a sore loser. He relished in the knowledge that the ESP hadn't won, for once (or rather twice) in his life that damn bastard didn't get what he wanted.

As the months passed by, his concern for others had faded away and he started keeping to himself more often. Not even Ruka could reach him categorically now.

His life felt like a plagued, meaningless existence now. No more Mikan. No more vendettas. No more missions even. He had no purpose, no drive anymore.

Before he had met Mikan, hatred had fuelled him. When he realized how he felt about her, his desire to protect her took over. Now he had nothing left to himself.

It was almost like he was defeated. They had taken away everything he had to fight for.

He wished she would come back for him. He knew it was selfish and almost pointless seeing as he wouldn't be sticking around for much longer but he wished it nonetheless.

It was like something from a movie, he appreciated with dry humor. Except if this _was_ a movie, she'd be here by now.

**~.~**

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><p><strong>I don't think I've ever written anything this sad. I can't tell you how hard it was to put one of my favorite characters through this much misery. It hurt me as much as it hurt him.<strong>

**This is my first drabble (I'm told they must be within 1000 words) so review please!**

_~Alexxis T. Swan_


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